Are you feeling rushed off your feet? Do you seem to be constantly leaving for appointments that you’re already late for? Do you ask yourself where the time has gone multiple times a day? Check behind your couch, or the back of the bottom pantry shelf for stray Jorlagar.  At first glance you may think these tiny creatures are just your average Orb-Weaving Spider, but on closer inspection you’ll notice they have an extra pair of legs, and eyes, totaling ten each.

The webs they weave do not capture unsuspecting insects, for the Jorlagar do not dine on anything so mundane. These webs collect any idle time that may be unused, which the Jorlagar greedily devour.

Jorlagar are generally not aggressive, but they can and will bite when threatened. Their venom is mild, but may cause mild nausea, or, more likely, the urge to go take a nap.  They are notoriously difficult to kill; they cannot be crushed, drowned, burned, or suffocated.  Any attempts to cause them physical harm are likely a waste of time, which they will likely quite enjoy.  At worst, they’ll move off to find a new hiding place.

Getting rid of Jorlagar is not overly difficult, if you know how. The best thing to do is to gently capture them in a matchbox, or other small container, and drop them into the purse or pocket of someone visiting your home, preferably just as they’re leaving. In this way they become someone else’s problem. Remember, it’s important if you do find any Jorlagar to do something about them immediately, if you wait, you’ll likely never find the time, because they’ll have eaten it.

Categories: 2014story

Jason Penney

I'm a software engineer who likes to write. So I should do that more.

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